25 May Family separation can happen to anyone but it needn’t end in a fight
(or a televised conversation with Oprah!)
What the Royal Family can teach us about Family Law
You might have more in common with the Royal Family than you thought
The Royals are no strangers to scandal, intrigue, and family dysfunction. They have certainly had their share of extra-marital affairs, divorces, and paternity question marks – and these are just the spats that make it to the mainstream media! Seriously, would the tabloids have anything much to splash on their front pages if it weren’t for the familial disputes of the reigning monarchy?
While the problems of the Royal families of Britain and Europe might seem worlds apart from the more pedestrian separations and divorces of suburban Australia, there are many more similarities with our relationship breakdowns than you might think.
Royal wisdom may have preserved dynasties, but the question it raises today is, “How happy has it made the descendants of the sovereign family?” If Oprah’s probing is to be believed, the answer to that would be, “Not very!” So, what can we learn from their mistakes?
Far-left In Touch Magazine, middle Royal Life and far-right OK
What The Royals can teach us about Family Law
Royal Advisory Note 1 – Loose lips sink ships
There may be people in your life who would use the information you share with them against you.
Traditional Responses
- Don’t trust anyone!
- Keep your cards close to your chest.
- If you do share information with someone you think is credible, pepper the information with mistruths or inaccuracies so you can put them off the trail of your actual intentions.
Contemporary Wisdom
- Talking about your relationship breakdown can be very helpful.
- There are many professionals trained to help you talk through your situation to feel heard and gain perspective.
- You may have family members who would prefer it if you don’t talk about your split because they are worried about how it will reflect on them. This does not mean you shouldn’t get the help you need – perhaps just choose how publically you’d like to take your conversation before you embark on it (cough, Harry and Meghan, cough).
- If you are worried about your discussions’ confidentiality, choose to speak to someone bound by a Privacy Act over anyone with a network television contract.
Expert tip
- Please share everything that relates to your situation with your Family Lawyer. This way, they can advise you of the best course of action for the outcome you desire.
- If you leave things out because you feel embarrassed or upset by them, your lawyer may not have the information they need for the case to be settled in your favour.
- Keep in mind, things you would prefer to keep hidden may be revealed by another party during the case anyway. Be proactive and share your information on your terms.
- PS – your law firm IS bound by a Privacy Act!
Royal Advisory Note 2 – Be aware of poisoned fruit on the family tree
- People can be cruel when something upsets them.
- Certain family members may be threatened by your personal empowerment and not want you to change your marital status.
Traditional Responses
- Tow the family line, or you’ll be made to pay.
- Accept judgement and change your responses to suit the status quo.
- Don’t make changes that cause other people to see their own failings.
Contemporary Wisdom
- Everyone is on their own journey and has something to learn from the situations they find themselves in.
- You need to do what you feel is suitable for yourself and your dependants.
- Others may make assumptions without really knowing the details, so they may seem misguided.
- Most people just want what they feel is best for you – generally, this is based on their own experience, so it may not relate to your own. While potentially not helpful, it can be more productive to realise this bias rather than become upset about it.
Expert tip
- Other people don’t have to live as closely with the consequences of your relationship breakdown – take the action you need to ensure the safety and wellbeing of those directly involved.
- It doesn’t have to end in a fight – watch this video to see how.
Royal Advisory Note 3 – Off with their heads
- When people disagree with your choices, they may want you out of their life.
Traditional Responses
- Just make it all go away!
- Disinheritance will make sure you never displease us again.
Contemporary Wisdom
- Gratefully the days of ‘guillotine as family lawyer’ are long gone.
- A family breakdown will always affect others to some degree, and they will have their own feelings about it.
- Your ex-communication from the family might lessen the shame relatives feel about the situation. (They feel like they have taken action to ‘fix’ the problem.)
- Whether they are vocal about it or not, everyone will hold an opinion about your choice to separate, divorce, repartner or remarry. Your decisions should be based on what is right for the safety and wellbeing of those directly involved – even if it’s complicated.
Expert tip
- Your Family Lawyer has been trained to help you settle your dispute equitably. And the Family Court of Australia uses its laws and guidelines to help you cater for these changes.
Your Family Law matter deserves Royal treatment
While you might not need the Family Lawyer to the Queen, you must choose someone who resonates with you and has experience with your type of case. This blog post has some specific steps you can take to make sure you select a firm that will provide the proper care and attention.
No doubt, the Royals have a very specialised (and expensive) arborist to deal with the legal ramifications of trimming the Imperial family tree. However, your settlement, no matter how complex, need not cost you your Kingdom. To ensure you know exactly what your legal representation will cost, make sure you read this guide. Then let the team at Toomey Family Law take care of you and your loyal subjects.