22 Jan Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban – the realities of separating after 20 years of marriage
Australian darling Nicole Kidman and her husband of 19 years, Keith Urban, split in 2025, marking the end of one of the most enduring celebrity relationships. While you can never know exactly what goes on behind closed doors, the couple have long been admired for the way they balanced their busy careers with family life.
Their separation reflects a reality many couples face when separating after 20 years of marriage – that even seemingly strong, long-term relationships can change over time and ultimately come to an end.
‘Silver splitting’ or ‘grey divorce’ is on the rise in Australia. These terms usually refer to couples who are divorcing from about the age of 50 onwards, usually after long-term marriages. In the 1980s and 90s, they accounted for about one-in-five divorces. Now, splits between couples who’ve been married for 20 years or more account for about 25% of all divorces. And in data from the US, the only age group with an increasing divorce rate is those aged 65 and older.
Why are more long-term couples separating?
There are many possible reasons for this increase in long-term and older couples separating and divorcing. Research pinpoints financial pressures, retirement adjustments and empty nest syndrome as contributing factors.
Given that women initiate 69% of divorces, experts suggest several factors are at play, including the feeling of being entitled to a better life, women’s growing economic independence, unmet expectations, and unequal distribution of emotional and domestic labour and support within the partnership.
Whatever the reason, if you’re separating after decades with your partner, you’re definitely not alone. But when you do separate after being together for a long time, there are many things to navigate legally, personally, within your families and even professionally.
Considerations when separating after a long-term relationship
Timing matters
There’s often confusion between separation and divorce. Separation is a legal concept referring to a couple, whether married or in a de facto relationship, who decide to end their relationship.
The only legal requirements for separation are: one person decides the relationship is at an end, informs the other person and then acts on that decision. This might mean moving out of the shared home, or deciding to ‘live separate lives’ while remaining living under the same roof.
Divorce, on the other hand, is the formal process of ending a legal marriage. It involves an application for divorce. While there’s no legal requirement to separate, the date that you do so has legal implications for your subsequent divorce, property settlements, superannuation splitting and other financial matters.
Property division
After decades together, finances are typically deeply intertwined, and property settlements usually involve much more than just the family home. They can also include superannuation, investments, trusts, inheritances, business interests and even overseas assets.
While Australia doesn’t have a 50/50 divorce rule, the longer you’ve been with your partner, the closer you may get to this. That’s because Family Courts tend to place significant weight on the length of the relationship and the way both parties contribute over time. This includes non-financial contributions, such as raising children and supporting a partner’s career. 
Superannuation splitting
Superannuation is often one of the most valuable assets in long-term relationships. And it can be particularly important in situations where one partner has stepped back from paid work to support the family at home.
Many of our clients don’t realise that super can be split as part of a property settlement. But this is an important part of your property settlement, and getting advice on how it could be valued and divided post-separation is critical. And especially for older couples who are approaching retirement.
Spousal maintenance
For older couples, there often aren’t the same concerns about child support. However, spousal maintenance is certainly a relevant issue. When there’s been a disparity in earnings over the years, and with older couples, there more often than not has been the law may require ongoing financial support. Ongoing financial support may be required by law, particularly in cases involving older couples or when a significant disparity in earnings has existed over the years of the relationship. This might be just short-term or long-term.
It’s also important to remember that if you fall into the older-couple bracket, you may have limited time to rebuild your finances. So it’s really important to get legal advice on your situation so you can have the best outcomes for your future.
Estate planning
Many people don’t know that just because you separate, your Will won’t automatically be revoked. For many couples who have been married for many years, their estate plans are often outdated, even if they aren’t separating.
It’s very important to review your Wills, powers of attorney and superannuation nominations when you decide to separate (and even if you don’t!). This is a critical, often-overlooked legal step. You don’t want to have your ex managing your estate post-separation, unless that’s your choice.
Adult children & family dynamics
While parenting arrangements may no longer be an issue, separation after a long marriage can still affect adult children. There may be estate planning expectations, inheritances, financial support, and more to be considered – and family relationships can all be impacted.
These considerations will influence how you approach your separation and settlement negotiations.
Privacy & reputation protection
High-profile couples like Nicole and Keith show us how important privacy and reputation protection are when you’re in the midst of a separation. Like many couples separating after 20 years of marriage, they would have had to navigate not just legal and financial change, but also public perception and personal boundaries. While you might not be an Aussie A-lister, separating after a long relationship can involve reputational, social and even professional concerns.
Early legal advice can help you manage communication, documentation and even dispute resolution in a way that protects everyone’s dignity and privacy.
Seek legal advice early when separating after a long marriage
Ending a long relationship involves much more than simply terminating a partnership. It frequently requires disentangling a shared life spanning decades, encompassing finances, future planning, and expectations regarding lifestyle, security, and retirement. And the longer the relationship, the more complex these conversations tend to be.
Getting legal advice early can help you understand where you stand and your options. An experienced family lawyer can also help you preserve relationships and keep things more cordial, and will help you manage the process in a way that prioritises care, discretion and long-term stability.
As the separation of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban shows, separating after 20 years of marriage is rarely simple, but if you’re considering separation after a long marriage, our team can guide you through the process with advice that’s tailored to your experience, and with guidance that comes from experience working with couples separating after a long relationship.
Get in touch with Toomey Family Law today to discuss your situation and your options.